Pen the Perfect Profile

"Gorgeous, buff, world-traveling, gourmet-cooking, independently wealthy, philanthropic, affectionate, commitment-minded and otherwise flawless PhD seeks same."

There. See how simple that was?

This is how profiles work. Or would - if we all were so perfect. The rest of us need just a little help. If you're struggling to create a new profile or reinvent your old one, consider our 12 tips to make your profile sizzle:

1. Be upbeat
   From the headline to the last sentence, make sure you sound like someone who would be fun to know. Let us know from the beginning how lucky we are to have found you!
   
   
2. Be positive
   Avoid negative statements when you present your qualities and those you seek in a match. Talk about your likes rather than your dislikes.
   
   
3. Excite us
   Don't just spell out a laundry list of your interests. Tell us what grabs you and why.
   
   
4. Be revealing
   The values that matter most to you probably are most important to your soul mate, too. Put them out there so the two of you will recognize each other right away.
   
   
5. Be honest
   Current photos; accurate descriptions of your height, body type, smoking and drinking habits and marital status will attract someone to the real you - not a fantasy you can't deliver.
   
   
6. Be realistic
   Need to drop ten pounds? Be open to dating someone who does, too. Remember the story about the king who searched the world for the perfect woman only to be rejected by her. She was looking for the perfect man!
   
   
7. Be kind
   Remember, there's no telling who will come along to steal your heart. A welcoming profile that makes you seem accessible and open to the unexpected could open up a world of new contacts to you - including the one contact you've been waiting for.
   
   
8. Make us laugh
   Your profile isn't a stand-up comedy routine. But if you can get a laugh, or at least a smile, out of those who read it, you're likely to get a response, too.
   
   
9. Generate some heat
   Sure, it's a little early to reveal your every fantasy. But by showing your humor, your romantic side and your personal warmth, you can be sexy on-screen.
   
   
10. Go for quality
    Your qualities, that is. As opposed to your possessions. That'll increase your odds of finding someone who appreciates a good listener, a kind heart and knockout kisses. Or do you prefer someone who most appreciates you for your salary and stash of frequent flier miles?
    
    
11. Be an individual
    Nobody - seriously, nobody - will read your profile and say, "Finally! Someone else who likes walks on the beach and is comfortable in jeans or evening wear!"
    
    
12. Post a photo
    Yeah, yeah. We're all shallow. Get over it - people like to connect a face with the words. That's why profiles with photos get 15 times more interest than those without one. And make it a well-focused, close-up shot so that smile and those eyes don't escape anyone's attention!